Wedding Dress Dilemma!

If I was the friend being asked, I would feel like I was being put into a very awkward situation--I'd feel bad about saying no, but I probably would anyway. A wedding dress is a very personal piece of clothing that means so much more than just the fabric, and I I think that very few women would be willing to let someone else take it (and, worse, alter it) for their own special day.

I know that there's a lot said about "THE dress," but the truth is that there are a lot of dresses out there that would look just as gorgeous on her and make her feel great...she just has to go in with an open mind and not constantly compare everything to what's wonderful about this one dress. She might surprise herself and find something that's a hundred times better.

very true, for all the friend knows the dress might not look right on her. now if the friend with the dress was your best friend, i'd say of course, just ask her and see what she says, but since it's a distant friend she might not feel like letting your friend (who she may not know) hold her dress.

Borrowing a dress from someone who's a family member is one thing (i.e. wearing your mom's dress--that has sentimental value for both side, the mother and the daughter), but asking your friend to borrow her special dress for the day just doesn't seem right. I would hate to see someone else dancing and having this huge moment in the dress that was such a big part of MY huge moment and represents a lot for me and my husband.

I don't think it would be right. Too personal.

I wouldn't have a problem with it! If anyone wanted to use my wedding dress I'd let them. I love my dress, but I'm not going to wear it again, it's sitting in a box in my closet. If someone wanted to use it and love it, of course I'd let them! It would be silly not to! I don't get overly attached to things like clothes though.

Some people might not care, but if she was my best friend I wouldn't feel comfortable asking because it was her dress for her special day. And I wouldn't feel comfortable asking to borrow a t-shirt from a distant friend, let alone a wedding dress.

I would suggest your friend keep looking for another more available dress. Surely she must have had a second favourite.

If they are close friends, I don't see the problem in asking as long as no alterations are needed.

Its' just a dress that will sit in some box for years until the first person divorces and throws it out anyway.

Yeah I'm not sentimental that way.

I actually let my best friend borrow my wedding dress for her wedding. There is nothing greater than to see a bride in need get what she wants. Alterations were made to the dress i.e the zipper in back was taken out and a corset put in, but hey, I was only going to wear the dress once. I am glad I let someone else get so much joy out of it.

It couldn't hurt to ask but she should be prepared for the woman to say no and not to accept any alterations. I think if she got married just recently it would be more awkward to ask than if the wedding were years ago.

weird. only because they are distant friends. like somebody said before, maybe her "dream dress" looks terrible on her. i know a lot of people who fell in love with a picture of a dress, tried it on, and hated it!

Asking to borrow such a personal article from a distant friend strikes me as an incredible faux-pas. I'm sure there are plenty of other dresses out there that will look great on your friend's special day.

many brides rent or sell their dresses after they have worn them on their wedding day. i would talk to your friend and see how much she would be willing to pay to borrow the dress, and then bring that offer to your distant friend if you do decide to ask her. who knows, maybe she's looking to make some extra cash.

Yea, thats completely rude to ask. dont do it.

I would say that I would never, ever even ask, except that it's sold out... but then see what she says. Maybe she would at least let the bride-to-be try it on and see if the style would work -- then, even if the distant friend doesn't want to loan HER dress, maybe the bride-to-be could have something similar made for her.

I'd say no, unless she knows that the friend is totally unsentimental (lol Zivanod) and wouldn't care at all.

If someone asked to borrow my wedding dress, I would feel really honored and flattered. I hope that my friends know me well enough to know that I would bend over backwards for them, especially on their wedding day. Lending it to someone wouldn't in any way take away from the sentimentality of the dress - if anything, it would make it more special. Plus, it's not as if I'll be wearing it again...

If the dress is a family heirloom, I might understand not wanting to lend it. My veil was passed down to me, and I might be reluctant to let anyone besides my best friend wear it, just out of worry it might be damaged and then I wouldn't be able to pass it down to other family members.

While I do agree that it is just a piece of clothing that you will NEVER wear again, I can understand why someone would be hesitant to lend it to an acquaintance. What if you're daughter wanted to wear it years later, or another family member? I can understand the attachment to it and why you wouldn't want it altered.

Why not have your friend bring a picture to a dress maker? That way she gets the look of the dress, but everything is tailored to her and she can pick fabrics, colors, beading, etc. that she likes and is within her price range. Often times, it is less expensive or around the same money to have a dress made. Why not get a one of a kind? I think that makes it even more special

She should look for it on ebay. My firend found the most amazing wedding dress on ebay. Lots of people don't want to hold on to their dresses so.... This way she doesn't need to borrow from someone else and she can do all the alterations she needs

yeah i think that's a bit faux-paux to ask to borrow the dress from anyone but a family member. But I agree with Post 17, she should def just bring a pic of it to a dressmaker. One of my best friends found a Vera Wang she loved and had a dressmaker do it and it ended up costing her only $300!. You have to find one you trust and it is a lot of back and forth for alterations but it could be a really good option for her if her heart is set on that dress.

I found the dress here: http://shop.storeofdress.com/product.php?productid=14453&cat=46&page=1
for $285.

As far as borrowing the dress goes, I personally would do anything I could to help someone's dreams come true. I can see how someone would feel awkward, especially a 'distant' friend, but considering how she was a bride herself, she probably understands the situation. I don't see how it could hurt to ask, myself. The worst thing that could happen is that she would say no. I'd explain to her that you understand if she doesn't want to loan it out.

I found another one here: http://www.buyer100.com/product.php?productid=9975&cat=0&page=1

for $265.

I found them by doing a google search for 'Ines Di Santo' Evita. I'd also do a little research on the companies before buying a dress from them and check on their return policy, etc. just in case even with all the measurements they ask for that it's still returnable if it doesn't fit or look right, though you can probably get someone to alter it.

Find a custom dress maker. An experienced dress maker would be able to replicate the dress from photos. Or, you could ask the friend who owns the dress if it could be borrowed only to be used for the dress maker to use as for the dimensions and fabric reference. But it looks like Drewsfan may have found the best solution.

I just received the preowned wedding dress I purchased in the mail yesterday and I love it!

There are a couple issues here.

A lot of this depends on how close of friends they are. Personally, I would not feel comfortable borrowing a dress from someone and unless they are the exact same size it would need to be altered. Her best bet would be to see if the friend is willing to sell the dress. Maybe she has been considering already.

Honestly, that is a lot of dress. She may not even like it on her.

it's just a dress... besides the friend has the right to say no. go to a tailor and make another one similar to it if she really wants that dress but honestly it's just a dress!

no way. There are a lot of beautiful dresses out there. She could even have a tailor make one for her. I wouldn't let anyone except for my daughter borrow my dress. She needs to figure out another option if she really wants this dress. Maybe borrow the friends dress and ask a tailor to duplicate it or make one very similar in her fabric choices.

I don't think I would mind giving the dress to a friend...but I could never ask. The dress owner should be the one to make the offer in that situation if they're feeling helpful and generous. Asking outright seems a bit much.

However I agree this issue seems solved much more simply and effectively by the ideas already presented here--a good seamstress/dressmaker, ebay or a little more research.

There's no harm in asking! My mother wore a wedding dress borrowed from a friend, and I plan to give my own wedding dress away after the wedding. Why let it collect dust when it could bring someone else joy?

No way jose!

wedding dresses are personal and unique. i doubt that she will be enjoying her day wearing a friend's dress. plus, there are hundreds of beautiful wedding dresses. i think she can find another dress just as pretty, maybe even more.

What's the point of keeping a dress in the closet you're never going to wear again? Seems like a huge waste. Everyone should let others borrow or rent their dress. There are actually huge dress rental businesses in developing countries because they can't afford to buy designer wedding dresses.

Yes, weird. Totally weird.

i don't see what the problem is. it's just a dress you wear for one day but if she is going to do alteration, i think she should offer to buy it not borrow it.

You're awesome, Drewsfan. My friend will appreciate it! Thanks! Xo.

No problem, Fab. I'm happy I was able to help!

yea, I agree with all the comments about going to a designer or tailor to replicate something similar...that way in the process, they can tweak areas to make it look super awesome on your friend!

oncewed.com If I had been able to get mine there, I would have.

Dress is gorgeous. I think asking is inappropriate and puts the friend who owns the dress in an uncomfortable position. BUT - She can have the dress made!!! My sister did this with a picture of an expensive gown she couldn't afford and had a seamstress in Manhattan custom make it. Ended up being WAY less expensive than original gown...

I can't imagine if it is a friend that it would hurt to ask. If a friend asked me I would have no problem telling them yes or no graciously and with an explaination.

Wedding dresses used to be passed down from generation to generation.. no longer seems the custom. My dress has hung in my closet for 9 years and probably will be there another 9 before I turn in into throw pillows or something lame like that.

I have two boys and I doubt that by the time they marry that my future daughter in law will want to wear it. If any of my friends or family wanted it I would give it to them in a heartbeat proud that the money could go to another use and that the poor beautiful thing would see the light of day again.

I believe that borrowing wedding dresses shouldn`t be considered wrong. If your friend really wanted that dress she should ask for the dress.

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Its very bad that brides use to sell their wedding dress after wedding. Wedding is one of the important part of our life and we should have to keep it live by keeping all things related to wedding.

If she doesn't feel comfortable asking to wear it on the day, why not ask if she can try it on to make sure it looks good on her? Then she'd be able to try finding it on the internet without taking as much of a risk by not having worn it before. Or, she could ask to borrow it to bring to a dressmaker to do something similar. While I guess I can see why someone wouldn't feel comfortable letting someone wear it on the day, I can't imagine someone not willing to help in either of those ways!