This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community.
This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!
Well, this is going to be long. I had a bad breakup two years ago. A month after that, I went out to celebrate a friend's birthday and ended up meeting a couple of her friends. I started to hang out with them more often and we became really close. One of them is the perfect guy, a musician and has a band, super funny and awesome, let's call him M. We started to hang out even more often, we saw each other at least three times a week. Nothing ever happened. I suspected that he liked me but I was undecided, while I thought he was awesome and great, I never came to really fully feel attracted to him.
Then, one day we were at a concert and he introduces me to a very close friend of his, let's call him L. This guy is also a musician, super funny and good looking, my type of guy. We became friends and hung out a couple of times. He made a couple of moves, but nothing too strong. At this point in my life I'm very happy to be alone, and my goal is to meet as many people as I can, because I was kind of in a cave during my seven-year-old relationship, I just hung out with my BF and my life centered around him. So if I meet new interesting people, I hang out with them.
Then comes M and tells me he has feelings for me. I honestly thought I did, too, but in that moment, I didn't. So I ended up telling him the truth, I am very happy alone and on my own. We decided everything was going to be the same way, nothing changes. So we continued to hang out/text as much. I thought he was going to do something to convince me, but he didn't. He just backed off.
Anyways, our friends in common talked to me. They told me that I should slow down and give M some distance. I talked to him and he told me he didn't need any. But then, a week after that we started to talk and he told me he needed the space, but not in the same way he always talks to me, calm and nice, but in a kind of rude (for him) way. He told me that this was clearly not going to work, and that he didn't have time for me right now, and that I could go and do anything I wanted like a free woman that I am. So I decided to give him the space. Last night I bumped into him and we greeted each other normally. Meanwhile, L keeps making moves and I don't understand that, being so close to M, and knowing about M's feelings for me.
The thing is, I love M as a friend, I care about him. I seriously miss him right now, but I know I can't promise him anything. I feel like such an idiot for turning down such a good guy for my fears. I got out pretty damaged of my last relationship. I wonder if I can do anything to like him, I would do it. I wonder if attraction is so important? Or does that fade away? I don't know what to do. I want things to be normal again.
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